Honeymooning

Most times, after post marriage couples do two things, go on a honeymoon and have lots and lots of sex. The last is especially true for LDS couples who have probably been sexually deprived their entire lives and are now free to get all thier sexually pent up energy out. But that's not what I'm here to talk about. I'm here to talk about the stuff you are doing post wedding when not doing the deed. That's right I'm talking about the honeymoon, or at least I will be for the rest of this post. When you ask most people to describe their dream honeymoon destination they will tell you they want to go to Hawaii or Tahiti or Fiji or some small island in the Caribbean. The really adventurous couples will tell you they want to go to some romantic place in Europe like Paris or Rome or in one instance Ireland. These things are all well and good. And I would not say no to going to any of these places. But for my honeymoon I want to go on an adventure. I'll leave lying on a beach soaking up sun to a time latter in life when my hips are going and all I really can do is lay on a beach or on the deck of a cruise ship. Right now I think I want my adventure to be driving across America looking at all the weird "roadside attractions." For instance did you know that the worlds biggest ball of twine currently resides in Cawker City Kansas, or that there's a UFO landing dock in Green Bay Wisconsin? Yeah, it's true. And there are things like this all over the great US of A. So one day, after I'm married I want to drive from one state to the next, staying in cute bed and breakfasts and seedy motels enjoying the quirky things that this great land has to offer. So that's my rant, thanks for reading, or not reading. It really doesn't matter to me.

Falling for Autumn

It is officially here, my favorite season and the best time of the year. It is autumn. One bright silver, or in this case red, yellow, orange and gold, lining of coming back to Utah is the return of the seasons, specifically autumn. I feel like sometimes autumn gets kind of a bad rap. Everyone here just knows it as the time right before winter, the waiting period before the cold and the snow and the slush and the ick. I think that this is utterly unfair to fall. Don't judge a season by the season that follows it people. Thats just wrong. Really though, autumn is amazing. First of all there's the leaves. They all turn colors, which is breathtakingly beautiful, especially if you go exploring in the mountains. It's like someone plopped you down in the middle of a beautiful sunset. I love it. Then you have the leave crunching, which is totally different from the leaves themselves. One of my principal joys in life is stepping on a big crunch leaf, or rustling my feet through a big pile of crunchy leaves, or prancing merrily about simultaneously kicking leaves in the air and crunching them underfoot. I love it all. Third awesome autumn attraction, the smell. Oh yes, a season can, and in this case, does have a smell. It's crisp and clean and beautiful and it makes my nostrils sing with joy, and clog with mucus due to the allergies, but I'm focusing on the singing. And finally, though no more important than any other aspect is the weather. In the fall, especially early its like summer still has it's fingers loosely wrapped around the weather. The breezes still carry a warm touch and the sun still shines most of the time, but it's not as in your face as the summer sun. Autumn is gentle. If autumn were a man he would be tall, dark, handsome, sensitive, caring, and freaking awesome. And we would get married.

Boy am I glad I'm not a man

In history men have had it better off than women. If I listen to the screaming protests of my femenist side men probably still have it better what with their higher wages and winning side of almost all double standards but there are a few things about being a dude that make me very glad that I am a chick. I will now list them, in a list.

1. Genitals on the outside. Yeah, that's gotta suck. I know God is perfect and all that, but really, what was he thinking? I mean yes females are occasionally hit in the bosoms but I think I can safely say that that experience is nothing to a kick in the private man region. So that must suck.

2. Public bathrooms. I'm not a fan of public bathrooms, but it's not the germs that get me. I'm sure there are just as many germs on the toilet as there are on any given handle. Seriously folks, the world is full of germs move on. It's the public part that bugs me. I can't walk into a bathroom after someone. I hate going in a stall next to someone, or walking into a stall that someone just came out of and you see there face. The worst is going at the same time as someone and walking out with that person when there is just the two of you in the bathroom and its jsut weird and awkward, cuz you both just heard each other going and you know exactly what the other person was doing. That just freaks me out so so much. So I can't even imagine using a urinal with a bunch of other dudes in the same general area. I honestly don' think I would be able to do it.

3. Face shaving. I actually don't mind shaving my legs. The smoothness is so niiiice. But I somehow think that running a razor across delicate face skin would blow epically. And if you cut yourself all up you can't just wear pants over your face.

Well that's all I have for now. It in no way evens the scales of inequality that has befallen women for millennia that include but are not limited to, the rule of thumb, not being able to vote and having to birth. However you men who are probably not reading should know, you're not all that powerful and great. Nope. And I for one wouldn't want to be one of you.